How much digital privacy should you give your kids? Things were easier when I was a kid. The phone was on the kitchen wall and anything me and my friends were planning was passed on notes during class. Things are so much different today, your kids used to tell you everything. Now they slam their laptop shut when you walk into the room. As a concerned parent, what should you do?
Growing up, my parents always respected my privacy. And in many ways, it made me respect their curiosity as a parent. When I was younger I understood that if my parents had questions about what I was doing, it was only because they cared or were concerned about me. Although this worked well for me and my family, parents need to decide what makes the most sense for them and their children. It’s all about balance. How do you give your kids space to grow but also protect them? The more you spy or set strict rules for your children, the sneakier and more deceitful they will learn to become. So how do you provide a safety net while also giving them their fair amount of privacy?
Set the rules the moment your hand over the phone or allow them to create their first Facebook account. On average, American children get their first phone around the age of ten. But most of them don’t understand the power, capability, or dangers of today’s smartphones. Most parents I know give their children a respectful amount of privacy, and don’t spend time going through their messages. Instead they make sure they are following and added to their personal social pages, so they can monitor what their kids are posting. Whether you are giving them a new phone of their own, or only letting them message and play games on mom and dad’s phone, make sure you’re setting clear rules right away to avoid any confusion or argument in the future. Make sure you’re teaching your children that there is no such thing as internet privacy. Anything they post online or even send to their friends, is out there forever and is subject to be stolen or abused, so they shouldn’t be posting or sending personal information or anything they wouldn’t want the whole world to see.
It’s important to acknowledge and accept that when your children get older they will no longer turn to you for advice on most things. It has nothing to do with you. They will start going to their friends for advice where they may feel is a more open environment. They will choose to seek advice from a friend to avoid an awkward conversation or maybe a lecture. It’s important for kids to branch out to their friends and create space between them and their parents to start searching for their own social identity. Although the distance is normal for teenagers and growing children, it still sucks for the parents who want that closeness they once had. The more trust and respect you show your children the more likely they will circle back for advice.
Make sure you are treating their journals and diaries with respect. In such a digital world there are still many children and teens who prefer to write down their thoughts in a journal. Self-expression is so important for their growing minds. And one of the best things they can do for emotional development is to write down their feelings or experiences to work them out. A child who spends lots of time writing in their diary can quickly become an aspiring journalist, English teacher, blogger or so much more!
Of course, all these rules come with one caution, if you have reason to believe your child is participating in harmful activity, is hurting others, or is in danger, you have every right to do your research! If you let your kids know they can always come to you about any problems with no shame or judgement, you’re more likely to keep your lines of communication open. This way you’ll have better odds of being kept in the loop rather than being blocked out.